“I need to keep going to see what’s in the end,” says Cosby.
Photo: Michael Friberg for New York Magazine

Mary Cosby is exiting a town car and headed for the entrance of STK Steakhouse in the late summer Utah heat when a fan — a tall, middle-aged guy walking a toy poodle — shouts, “Mary, we love you!” She bristles a bit, looking uncomfortable in her impeccably tailored pink silk Tom Ford suit. “Fame itself is dark,” Cosby, 53, says when we sit down for lunch. “It’s not a happy place. It’s not a place you reach and then you’re like, ‘Okay, I’m good.’ It alienates you. It puts you in a space where you can’t go to the store, you can’t be normal. Whenever you’re in public, you have to look nice because people are going to see. It strips your freedom.”

In the public imagination, Housewives with a capital H are fame-hungry attention hogs who would rather throw the $400 bottle of Château Brane-Cantenac Margaux that’s sitting in front of us than sip it, as Cosby is hesitantly doing now. The star of Bravo’s Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is not exactly press shy; she’s here, after all, agreeing to speak to a journalist about the season of reality television she just filmed. But just over six months after the death of her son, she is understandably guarded. She’d shot one episode of RHOSLC’s seventh season before Robert Cosby Jr. was found dead of an overdose after years of struggling with addiction, a subject Cosby had addressed on the show. Bravo immediately halted production, and one of its most popular series was plunged into uncertainty. Cosby had taken breaks from the show before, but a tragedy of this magnitude, at a time when cameras were scheduled to roam in and out of Cosby and her friends’ homes, was uncharted territory for everyone involved.

As Noah Samton, senior vice-president of current production for Bravo and Peacock unscripted, tells it, The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City was built around Mary. She and her husband, Robert Cosby Sr., were well known in Utah when Bravo came to town to cast its new franchise. The two ran the Faith Temple Pentecostal Church in a Mormon-dominated area and had a family history people whispered about. (Before they were married, Robert Sr. was married to Mary’s grandmother, meaning he was her step-grandfather before he was her husband.) A producer pointed out how strong her character could be, and Bravo started casting others to complement her. Mary corroborates this; the show just sort of fell into her lap. “There was none,” she says of her motivation for signing on. “My work ethic just kind of kicked in, and I thought, Okay, well, I can do this.”

She was a strange fit from the beginning, the kind of woman who looked Jen Shah in the eye and told her she “smelled like hospital.” Her lines were undeniably funny, as blunt as they were liberating. But she teetered too much between the roles of welcome comic relief and distasteful antagonist. “I think if you watch that first season, it wasn’t fair to Mary,” says Samton. “Mary is a multidimensional person, and I think the relationship she has with Robert Sr. was what felt like it would grab an audience. And I think we leaned a little too much into that surface story and didn’t treat her the way I always aspire to treat all people on all of my shows, which is to show the good, the bad, and the ugly. I don’t think we did her justice that first season.”

After an even shakier second season, Cosby did not return for the third and agreed to appear only as a “friend of” in season four, famously skipping a night out with the cast to sit in their Sprinter van, which she asked to take her through a McDonald’s drive-thru. But she rallied in season five, getting close with Angie Katsanevas, who helped filter Cosby’s brash humor for the better. Her family and church life remained opaque, but her bizarre comedic timing and magnetic onscreen presence turned her into everyone’s favorite reality-TV anti-hero. That same season she shared a heart-breaking scene with her only son, Robert Jr., in which he talked about his drug addiction and likened his life with depression to “unseasoned chicken.” Mary helped get Robert Jr. into rehab, but his troubles continued. In early February, he was released from jail after two months for violating a protective order his ex-wife had placed on him. On February 25, he died at age 23.

Katsanevas, who was at Mary’s house earlier that day, remembers receiving the call from Mary. “I just looked at my daughter, and I had my hand on her when she told me, and I just started bawling. I mean, it was devastating,” she says. “It was heartbreaking to know that you’re looking at your child and someone’s telling you they just lost their only child.” Whitney Rose, another of Mary’s co-stars, was in her glam chair about to film a scene when the showrunner called her and told her that filming was canceled. “Have you ever felt like your soul drops out of your body?” she says. “Everything just hits the ground. It was, like, a complete out-of-body experience.”

Samton says he was sleeping when his phone started blowing up. He realized he’d missed calls from both Cosby and Lisa Shannon, the SVP of programming and development at Shed Media, the company that produces RHOSLC for Bravo. “I first called Lisa, and Lisa was completely overwhelmed, crying, and got out to me that Robert Jr. passed away. I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it,” he says. “I called Mary back, and I was distraught. What do you say? I was very overwhelmed on the phone, and Mary actually started to comfort me. She was saying to me, ‘It’s going to be okay, Noah. It’s going to be okay.’”

Cameras went down that night with everyone agreeing to stop filming indefinitely. “The strategy was to be respectful of her privacy, meet her wherever she was, and let her guide us,” Andy Cohen, executive producer of The Real Housewives franchise, explains. “She kept telling us that the sisterhood of the women and her bond with the production crew were a source of comfort for her during this time.” About a month after Robert Jr.’s death, Cosby told Samton that she was ready to return to work. She wasn’t done grieving, but she’d decided that succumbing to a broken heart was a choice and she didn’t want the show to be a casualty. “I want to stay No. 1,” she explains, bubbles still floating to the surface of our Margaux. “The show is like our baby. I care about it, so that keeps me going.”

It’s been six months since Robert Jr. died. How are you and your husband doing?
I think I went into shock. I don’t know if it ever hit me, because I still feel my son. I still feel his spirit, and I don’t know how that could be unless he’s okay and he made it to the good side. I feel him safe. I feel him tucked away. I feel him away from danger, so a part of me can rest.

It changed me. I was so worried about him, but I thought he would get better and he would be that proof, like, “Look, people, you can change.” But that was not the way he was supposed to go. People don’t leave unless it’s their time. I mean, this kid had nine lives. He had accident after accident, and finally it caught up with him. I think that it was for the good. To this day, there’s a peace that lives in my house. It’s a peace that we didn’t have before. So we’re thankful but hurt, if that makes sense.

Did you have a call with the producers or anyone from the network?
Lisa Shannon screamed at the top of her lungs and cried her heart out to the point that Robert Sr., it touched him. She cried so hard it touched both of us and brought us close.

How did the conversations about your participation in the show go from there?
When it first happened, Noah told me I didn’t have to come back. He’s like, “You don’t have to worry about your job. You take a year off, you take a season off, you will have your job.” And I thought, If I do that, then I’m gonna go darker into what I’m in. I’m gonna just sit at home, I’m gonna think about it. I’m gonna constantly be at ends: Why, what, how, when, what could I have done better, what could I have changed? I would have beat myself up. So I told Noah, “No, I want to work. I want to distract myself. I want to keep my mind on something positive.”

Did you talk to Robert Sr. about your decision to go back?
No, he trusts me. He knows that I know how to create boundaries. I know how to protect myself, and I know what I need. I wasn’t delirious and distraught. During that time I realized that dying from a broken heart is a choice. It came to me, like, You can just choose not to even go on. I thought, Well, maybe my journey and what I was put on this Earth for are not done. His is done. Mine isn’t. I need to keep going to see what’s in the end.

You’ve talked about how Robert Sr. hates filming the show. Did he have reservations about participating again?
I just asked him, Would he do it for me? I said, “I don’t have anyone. You’re the only family I have left.” He’s like, “One time. I’ll do it. There’s just one time and then don’t ask again.” I’m like, “I’m going to ask again.” He agreed to go to our church and film a scene there, and he cried. He cried and he had a moment, kind of a little angry moment where he almost didn’t understand. But then it comes forward and we’re both sitting there with understanding and acceptance. It was beautiful. You could see I was all cheesy. I needed him, and for him to show up for me is so important.

What was it like when you first went back filming? Was the scene in the first episode of season seven, where all the women are at your house, your first time back on-camera?
They handled me good. I mean, they couldn’t keep their stuff together, but they came together for me, and I respected all of them for that. I want our show to be successful. I want our show to thrive. And I feel like me being there, being present, pushing with that mind-set helps it. I go into work mode. I want to stay number one. The show is like our baby. I care about it, so that keeps me going.

You said the women were there for you in the days after Robert’s passing and acted like family. How did they show up?
Well, first of all, they all came over. The doorbell rang, Bronwyn brought her mom. Doorbell rings, and Lisa sent food, sent baskets, sent gifts. Just constantly sending me stuff, constantly showing up, constantly coming over, sitting down, talking to me. In some ways I felt like I ended up encouraging them. I found strength in them coming to see me, talking to me, keeping me going.

In that episode you talk about how Robert Jr.’s homegoing service brought you peace. Can you tell me about it?
It came with a reassurance, and it came with an energy that everything is all right. Everything’s okay. This is all in the plan. It became an actual homegoing: You celebrate someone that gets to go home. And it was a celebration. I had 34 million views on my page from him. If that doesn’t say, “You did something right in life,” then nothing will.

You mentioned your siblings didn’t come to the service. How did that feel?
I have three brothers and a sister, and my one brother did come, and that meant more to me than all of them together. I don’t get caught up in what people decide to do or how they treat me, because I’ve been through so much that I just take it. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think on it. If that’s their choice, they have to live with that, not me.

There were a few other Housewives at the service — Kyle Richards and Cynthia Bailey and Shereé Whitfield came. What did that mean to you?
Everything. Kyle still talks about it. I will forever be indebted to them for sharing that time with me. They couldn’t have done anything better for me than to show up at such a time. I pray for them every day. It just tells you who’s beautiful inside and who’s not.

When you returned to filming, did your relationship to the show feel different?
This year I had nothing to lose. That was my mind-set all the way through. What can I do now that can completely go wrong? And the women were not allowed to go after me, so that was a blessing. [Laughs.] I don’t have to rip anybody apart. I think that I needed to be dealt with fragilely. I don’t know what version would show up if they were to come at me.

It felt good. I needed it. You perform differently when you feel like you’re wanted there. So for the first time, that showed up. They paid more attention to me, didn’t put me in the background like I can’t talk.

Was that a result of you being more present, the behavior of the other women, or decisions on the part of production?
It was probably production drawing me out more and letting me be myself and accepting whatever I’m saying is what I’m going through. I felt like the production had a thankfulness about them that I was there. I never felt that before.

You mentioned on the show that a lot of viewers reached out. What were you hearing from them? How did that feel?
Christina Applegate, Rihanna — I can’t even tell you all the big people, way bigger than me, that reached out like, “Mary, sorry.” The world grieved with me. Everyone came together with me and they felt my pain, which helped. Even the people that just watch the show. People from Ireland, people from Israel, people from Australia, people from London, Canada. Everyone from around the world that heard about it reached out to me. I have millions of messages.

You’ve told me you don’t love fame, but without the attention from the show, you might not have gotten all of those people grieving with you, right?
I don’t think I needed it. I don’t have expectations for how people show up for me. I don’t rely on people’s validation to make me feel okay. I don’t get starstruck, not yet. I think if I met Beyoncé, I would be though. I’m like, “Can I do anything for you?”

Do you watch the show after you film?
I watch the episodes to critique myself, not for anything else. I just see what I can do better for next year.

Do you fast forward through other people’s scenes?
I’m going to be honest: I absolutely do. Mainly Heather’s. I like things to stay consistent, and her consistency kind of falls off, so it doesn’t hold my interest. I think Bronwyn’s scenes are interesting. I think Lisa’s scenes are good. I mean, when she’s arguing and fighting. When she’s being Lisa and Lisa-ing, I will watch it.

How do you think the reunion’s going to be?
Awesome. Because this year, I don’t care. I’m going to say what I feel. I’m going to say what I think. I’m not going to let nobody dictate. Usually, I stay quiet and I try not to get into the mess, but I feel like I’m going to have to when I have to say something.

What’s your motivation to keep doing the show now?
For my son. He would want me to keep going. He would want me to shine. He’d want me to be the best I can be in whatever I’m doing in life.

Are you still living with his dog?
His dog’s doing so well. He’s happy now. He sleeps on his back. That means they trust everyone in the house. They know they’re safe. Every morning I take him out at eight o’clock, and we stay out from 30 minutes to an hour. He lies in the grass, and that’s our time. He’s gotten really close to my husband. My husband cooks his food from scratch. We have a really good bond among us right now.

If there’s one thing you want viewers to take away from the season, what is it?
My strength. This could have killed me, and it should have killed me. It was designed to at least let me fall, and I didn’t. I doubled down on knowing that what happens in my life is for the good and what’s going to happen is supposed to happen. You can’t do anything when it’s someone’s time but accept it and keep going and hope that one day you’ll see him again.